Trainwreck

Sarah Silverman said it best when she busted on Britney at tonight’s MTV VMAs:

She is 25-years old, and she has already accomplished everything she is going to in her life. (See the video here)

That’s rough stuff, but after seeing Britney’s performance, there was little else that could be said. I’ve yet to see a performance more phoned in or less enthusiastic. Britney looked, at once, confused, bored, and completely out in left field. And her once-famous moves? Proooooobably better suited for a girl with less — how do I put this lightly — meat on her bones.

Britney, you’ve had two babies (or as Sarah referred to them, “the most adorable mistakes”), so it’s really, really ok if you don’t take the stage in a bedazzled bra and panties. Unless you’re 19 and have the body of Rihanna, it’s really not acceptable to dance in lingerie.

Anyone hoping for a comeback (and I won’t deny that I said I pre-show prayer) is likely no longer looking forward to the November release of Britney’s new cd. After tonight’s lip-synched vocals and arthritic dance routine, I highly doubt she’s bankable by industry standards.

And that performance, in and of itself, set the tone for the shittiest VMA ceremony to date. All this hype about how it was going to be explosive and ground-breaking with Timbaland steering the ship was just that — hype. The show was an incoherent mess with many of the performers and presenters looking bewildered and bored by the set up. The only highlights were performances by Chris Brown/Rihanna and Nelly Furtado, but even they dragged on a bit and were noticeably scaled-down from performances past. Every rap song sounded the same and every emo-boy band “hit” encouraged me to flip the channel to see what was on Vh1.

MTV needs salvation, and it certainly won’t come in the form of Britney or Justin. Let’s just hope those Hills girls start peddling some sex tapes soon…

Video: Brit’s VMA Nightmare