Salt Lake City Guy Find’s Post-Mortem Fame From Confessional Obit

Val “Rocky” Patterson from Salt Lake City, Utah passed away last week aged 59 after suffering from throat cancer but has since found post-mortem fame from the confessional obituary that he left behind on Legacy.com.

After reading Rocky’s obituary myself, it is easy to see why it became popular, not only is it overwhelmingly honest and insightful, it is also pretty damn funny too. Rocky, claims that his motto was “anything for a laugh” and from the summary of his life, it seems like he stuck by it too.

In the obituary he elaborates how he didn’t actually earn the PhD he had after his name explaining that he actually acquired the diploma because of a clerical error by a girl working in the loan department of the University of Utah. He apologizes for this fraud to all of the engineers he worked with but states; “you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work.”

He also admits to being the person responsible for stealing the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn in June of 1971 and also confesses rolling rocks into the geyser that belonged to the “really mean park ranger.”

With a heavy heart, he tells Disneyland and SeaWorld San Diego that they can now ditch their “banned for life” files that they kept on him, stating “I’m not a problem anymore.”

In the more serious parts of the obit, Rocky talks about his love for his wife Mary Jane and the guilt he felt for being responsible for prematurely ending their time together. His cause of death was throat cancer and he felt like he had brought this upon himself by smoking and believing himself to be “invincible”.

Another rather poignant part of Rocky’s obit was the section written for his gang of friends, he said:

“To the gang: We grew up in the very best time to grow up in the history of America. The best music, muscle cars, cheap gas, fun kegs, buying a car for “a buck a year”…TV was boring back then, so we went outside and actually had lives. We always tried to have as much fun as possible without doing harm to anybody – we did a good job at that.”

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