Sammy Sosa done playing baseball

on : 16-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

By all accounts, it appears Sammy Sosa is done playing baseball. Sosa is number five on the all time home run list and was just 12 shy of the elusive 600 mark.

But it’s been one messy tumble down the mountainside over these last three years. Cork exploded out of his bat. Clouds hovered over his accomplishments. He got subpoenaed by Congress, and suddenly forgot how to speak English.

Teflon probably causes cancer

on : 16-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

Teflon and other similar products are likely carcinogens, but the good thing is if you ingest enough of it the cancer can’t stick to you.

Pot tops cherries as Washington’s no. 8 agricultural product

on : 16-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

Law enforcement officers harvested a dubious record last year: enough marijuana plants to rank the illegal weed as Washington state’s No. 8 agricultural commodity, edging sweet cherries in value.

The 135,323 marijuana plants seized in 2005 were estimated to be worth $270 million — a record amount that places the crop among the state’s top 10 agricultural commodities, based on the most recent statistics available.

Still, that’s nothing compared to Kentucky, West Virginia, and Meigs County, OH. Trust us.

Jessica Simpson whores around

on : 16-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

Star is on the Jessica Simpson whorefest trail, and hooks her to Jude Law, not Adam Levine, which would basically prove everyone wrong — again.

Jude Law, Adam Levine, me, the dog from 8Below, what’s the difference?

Ohio To Remove Anti-Evolution Language From State Science Curriculum

on : 16-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

“This lesson is bad news, the ‘critically analyze’ wording is bad news,” said Martha W. Wise, the board member behind the emergency motion. “It is deeply unfair to the children of this state to mislead them about the nature of science.” Wise, a 28-year veteran of the board who led the fight to delete the anti-evolution language from the science standards and accompanying lesson plan, is a creationist who has taken heat from other creationists for her stance.

Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus!!

Mads Mikkelsen is next Bond villian

on : 16-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

Mads Mikkelsen will fill the shoes of James Bond nemesis Le Chiffre, sources confirmed. The Danish actor joins Daniel Craig and Judi Dench in the Martin Campbell-helmed film, which began principal photography January 27 in Prague.

As long as Daniel Craig doesn’t come off as the douche he seems to be, this will probably turn out okay. Just okay.

Maria Sharapova swimsuit video

on : 15-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

It’s that time of year again, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. Enjoy this video of “tennis player” Maria Sharapova.

Pirate Pan ship pins senior citizen

on : 15-02-06 Posted by : Bruce

A 70-year-old man was pinned under the Peter Pan ride at Disney World last night. Since bleeding isn’t allowed inside the Magic Kingdom he was immediately removed by Tinkerbell.

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