I guess he knew how to quit her, because Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have officially split.

Ledger and Williams

US Weekly is reporting that the crunchy couple of three years and parents to 23-month old baby Matilda, “quietly and amicably” split after a recent rocky period. Of course, in Hollywood “quietly and amicably” means that the split will be followed with unfounded rumors of her shaving her head and getting her vagina pierced at Les Deux and of him having an illicit affair with Jake Gyllenhaal at an all-night sex party in Matthew McConaughey’s double-wide. That’s just the way the media likes for it to go.

In related news, I will be moving to New York tomorrow to live in the bushes outside of Heath Ledger’s apartment until he realizes that he’s actually been in love with me ever since our days on Brokeback Mountain and would like to make up for his mistake of not reciprocating my love by whisking me away to our new home in a cabin in the mountains of Wyoming where we will adopt Himalayan whistle kids, form a singing group, and live happily ever after.