Sex With Ozzy
Now, on to reason #486 why I am a homosexual…
Sharon Osbourne got really candid this week while answering questions about hers and rocker husband Ozzy’s sex life. She is quoted as saying:
He’s like a rabbit, he’s terrible. Every song gets him in the mood for love. He’s just like that battery-powered bunny. Instead of that little rabbit, they should have Ozzy’s will banging a drum.
She goes on to give me more nightmares, by describing their naughty British bits:
My husband takes a size 14 shoe and has massive hands. He doesn’t need any help in that department. We’ve been married nearly 25 years. The best thing I ever did was getting my bust implants. He loves them.
All together now…<vomit>.
Ya know, there is no wonder little Jack Osbourne turned out to be a crack addict and little Kelly turned out to be afraid of light. They had no choice but to be f**ked up listening night after night to their mother being mauled by the giant penis of the Prince of Darkness. We’re just lucky they aren’t both serial killers.
Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to go wash my eyes out with bleach and pray.
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