Seems that Lily Allen is trying to become a more toothsome version of UK trainwreck Amy Winehouse.  Though, to me, she just looks like she’s vying for a role in The Other Sister 2.

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After already getting into trouble with the law by allegedly (which, just so you know, means they freakin’ did it) assaulting a photog last month, the Cockney-accented crooner decided to give an impromptu performance at London’s Studio Valbonne.  She performed (to use the word liberally) a few songs for the crowd assembled for the launch of Braun Satin haircare and proceeded to get so drunk as to forget the words to her own songs.  And that’s kind of sad, since she only has one cds-worth to even know.

She continued to wow the crowd by asking what time it was and slurring:

Look at my hair, it’s so f******g straight, I wish I was as straight - I’m a bit drunk.  Are you enjoying the free wine, I know I am.  If I sound like a cat being swung around on its tail, it’s because I haven’t been singing in so long.

No, Lily, you sound like a cat being swung around on it tail because you’re a stumbling alcoholic 22-year old with only the slightest bit of talent.  I mean, let’s face it.  She’s famous because she can make nonsensical lyrics rhyme and use the “f” word liberally.  She isn’t exactly sporting Streisand-quality pipes.  And hell, if what she does is enough to gain celebrity, I should have been famous in the 5th grade.  I had a version of “there once was a man from Nantucket” that would make your Mom blush.

I, for one, will be glad when these girls straighten up, put some panties on, and start producing a little actual talent.  And they wonder why music is illegally downloaded these days.  Who wants to pay to support this bullshit?

(Source)