Generally, chocolate is something that you like to shove into your mouth. It’s also probably one of the only brown-colored items that tastes delicious! (Mud is only good if I’m very hungry.) Unfortunately, these nine pieces of chocolate art are not for eating, unless you’re eating them with your eyes. Then, you may go ahead and feast with your ocular balls of jelly. (Not literally, though, because I would pee myself if your eyes grew mouths and started eating things.)
1. Giant Chocolate Mayan Pyramid Sculpture
This giant chocolate sculpture of a Mayan pyramid is made entirely of chocolate, and will surely stand tall against the onslaught of any conquistadores and their famished families. It will surely fall to my powerful eating habits, however, as I will doggedly devour all nine tons of chocolate used to make the pyramid. Nine tons of chocolate is approximately 18,000 pounds of chocolate! That’s approximately… two and a half American servings. 1 American serving = 10 billion other country servings.
2. Yoda Made of Chocolate
This is a very accurate depiction of Yoda as far as chocolate sculptures go, but the claws are too big for me. Those aren’t Yoda claws, those are from some death-eating dragon. Honestly, clip your nails or something. If you look closely, you’ll see Woody from Toy Story in the background. (Also made of chocolate.)
3. Cherry Blossom Tree Made of Chocolate
4. Chocolate Shoes Will Melt Between My Toes
A woman’s worst nightmare:
having to walk in these shoes going on a date with me. On this date, I will be wearing these shoes. Catch me – hey – catch – catch me if I trip, I’m new to high heels. Layla! Hey! Wait! Don’t leave! Aren’t you going to help me lick the melted chocolate off of the sidewalk?
5. Mansion Made Out of Chocolate
A chocolate mansion seems like a good idea right now, and it will seem like a good idea forever, because it is a good idea. Much like Google Buzz, Google Wave, and MySpace were all brilliant ideas. Also, Yahoo, which lots of people use. By “lots of people,” I mean my dad.
6. Giant Chocolate Bean
This is basically bean-ception, a clever play on the word “inception,” since it is a giant chocolate bean made out of smaller chocolate beans. Specifically, Jelly Bellies. Does that lady have a “jelly belly?” The world may never know…
7. Chocolate Football Stadium
This is an awesome chocolate football stadium! “Like, as in football?” Yes, football. “Why do they call it football if they don’t use their feet?” No, it’s the other kind of football. ”You mean futball?” That’s what I said the first time. IT’S SOCCER. Now I know why they invented that word.
8. Scary Chocolate Skull
This is the scariest thing I’ve seen in a while, and it reminds me of the guy I saw on Ripley’s Believe it or Not – he cut his tongue into two parts because he wanted to be a snake-man. I believed it, because I know these people, and they are weird enough to do anything. Me? I just do the normal activity of lifting weights with my tongue ring while wearing my birthday suit.
9. Millenium Falcon Chocolate Treat
Fine, this isn’t really “art,” but how could I not share that delicious ooze flowing out of the Millenium Falcon? Just kidding – there’s no way I’m ever sharing it. “You’re a jerk.” No, I have mono. “Oh – thanks for looking out for me!” JUST KIDDING I’M JUST A PUDGEMONSTER *Shoves whole thing in mouth*