Tumblr is all the rage, what with Kim Jong Il Looking At Things and Text From Dog. I have taken it upon myself and my overpowered mush of gray matter to devise seven different Tumblr ideas that would make millions! DO YOU REALIZE THAT I HAVE STRUCK INTELLECTUAL GOLD? SEVEN TIMES?
But, since I’m a nice guy, I’ll let you noobs take a peek. You can steal the ideas if you want, but some other reader has probably stolen them first, which makes you a criminal and a failure. Or you could share this post on StumbleUpon and then everyone will think you’re cool and you won’t have to work on maintaining a Tumblr.
1. Celebrities Eating Burgers
Ah, celebrities. We can’t get enough of them! When one of these creatures impregnates another, there is a wave of excitement paralleled only by that of KFC’s opening bell. (At least in America.) We, as a race, have also proved our inability to learn from past experience. One celebrity makes marital agreements with another and we are unable to predict their inevitable “break-up.” Which is a nice word for “divorce.”
Note: Barack Obama is not really a celebrity, but he does eat sandwiches.
Celebrities eating burgers would be a successful Tumblr blog, because it would take advantage of our obsession with over-glorified drug addicts, and our obsession with seeing the insides of peoples’ mouths. Maybe that one’s just me, but the first one is widespread. Awkward. Can I see your tongue?
2. Morons Who Wreck Expensive Cars
Everyone knows that morons are ever-present in society, and we all wreck expensive cars once in a while. (Not really.) This Tumblr blog would make millions showing pictures like the ones above and below this piece of text which you aren’t reading. Because you would rather be looking at pictures – hence the success of Tumblr and the fall of intellectuals who use “words.” Kk LOL wrds R sooooo last year thx
3. Stupid YOLO Memes
All these kids run around doing stupid things and yelling “YOLO” at everybody they see. One, nobody even knows how only living once can justify being an idiot. Two, that one life can seem reaaaaallllyyyy looooooonnnggg if you’re spending it in jail with a roommate who cracks skulls while he does P90X.
The Stupid YOLO Memes Tumblr would be a great way to make fun of YOLO and get a ton of looks at the same time! And not the kind of looks you get when you streak across the local tennis courts – that’s not really what we’re going for.
4. People Getting Fish Slapped
This Tumblr blog idea is one of my favorites, and I feel that there’s a lot of potential here. People enjoy pain (Saw, Friday The 13th, Final Destination, etc.) and people enjoy fish (tilapia, salmon, cod, etc.). So why not combine the two and have a bunch of pictures of people getting hit in the face with fish?
People Getting Fish Slapped would make a wonderful Tumblr blog, except for the poor blokes who are getting fish slapped.
5. Cows Chewing Tufts Of Grass
Cows are pretty funny, and the way they chew just makes me feel all fuzzy on the inside. If we could harness this “all fuzzy” feeling by collecting pictures of cows chewing tufts of grass, our profit margins would be magnificent. Expenses: none, unless we need to buy a cow to get fresh images. Profits: morons who look at cows eating grass click on ads and we stuff our pockets. And, by we, I mean me.
Cows Chewing Tufts of Grass just gives me that feeling that lets me know I have an awesome idea. Or maybe that was the Taco Bell.
6. Lizards Who Lick Their Eyes
I don’t even need to say anything – just look at the pictures and you will see the excitement of a millenium.
“LIZARDS LICKING THEIR EYES IS THE BEST THING EVER LOL NO WAY” – Anonymous reader
7. Pandas Vomiting Rainbows
Okay, so there might not be a ton of content in this realm, but the idea is gold. Pandas? Everyone looks at their pictures.
Vomit? Awesome. Rainbows? The love of all women! Forget online dating – lure in your future mates with rainbows, and then use one of those pick-up lines you found online. Personal advice from experience: the really really raunchy ones work the best. Trust me. *Cheshire grin*