BuzzPatrol

I’m not saying that the Church of Scientology had anything to do with it, but…

David Hans Schimdt, Sultan of Sleaze (how’s that for a eulogy), was found dead in his home this week after trying to extort $1 million from Tom Cruise for photos he had from the famed Scientologist’s wedding to child bride Katie Holmes. 

Point is:  Don’t piss off the religious freaks. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take a shower and get rid of some body thetans.

More…

Sorry Kanye, but this week’s coveted ”Biggest Douchebag Award” goes to none other than Diddy (or Sean John or Puffy Daddy or P. Diddy or Asswipe or whatever he’s going by these days).  According to sources:

A witness outside downtown hot spot GoldBar the other night said, “[Diddy] walked right up to the door girl with four other people in his crew. When she asked him how many people he was with, [he] just called her a ‘fucking bitch’ and opened the velvet rope and let himself through.

It seems that Hollywood stars will stop at nothing to protect the sanctity of marriage, and this week is no exception.

First up, we have Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden marrying.  I’d say “awww,” but I’m much more inclined to say, “it’s about time,” seeing as how she’s about 13 months pregnant with his spawn.  It’s so nice to see a marriage of necessity in these troubled times.

Haven’t seen Natalie Portman’s nude visage yet?  Well then feast your eyes on all the Elfin goodness.  Those muffins couldn’t have been any more perfect had they been baked in a magical tree!

Wanna see just how magically delicious she is in Hotel Chevalier?  Click below!

(Source)

Rachael Ray, famous foodie, talk show host, and inventor of how to pig out around the world for only $40 a day, has issues….with her weight.

So what does she do about it?  Starve herself?  Work out at the gym maniacally?  Throw up after every panini?  Nope.  She dresses to flatter her figure.  From von Furstenberg wrap dresses to flared jeans, she finds the clothes that flatter and shows off her size 6 curves.

And for that, we tip our hats to you, Rachael. 

Keira, put down the rice cake and take notes.

(Source)

Who has the worst mane this week?

Is it perpetually high Britney Spears with her chocolate brown weave of doom?

(”Cheetos….I must have Cheeeeetos!”)

Or is it Willem Dafoe Rumer Willis and her damaged blond bird’s nest?

Vanessa Hudgens made her first post-scandal appearance at the US Weekly Hot Hollywood party for “Power Players” last night wearing this:

How embarassing. This is the first time we’ve seen Vudge in weeks — well, seen her clothed anyway — and she wears a dress that’s already been filmed before. Don’t remember it? Well, then I guess you didn’t log as many hours in front of Lifetime’s Golden Girls marathons as I have then, because this dress is dead-on Blanche Devereaux. I fully expect her to try to pick up a sailor while simultaneously eating cheesecake and huffing, “Rose!”

Joe Simpson, pimp/father/manager of the decidely un-dynamic duo Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, has decided to speak out to Us Weekly about his younger daughter’s decision to have a nose job:

[sic] there was a real problem with her breathing and that was cured.

Yeah. Right.  And Goldie Hawn had her lips done because she wasn’t medically able to give good enough head.  I think not.  Joe knows, and I know, and everyone in the whole world knows that Ashlee just wanted to be “pretty” like her older sister.  And she probably thought it would help her hold on to her fruity boytoy Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy.